i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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