I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
