I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
