I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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