If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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