I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
