I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
