they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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