Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
