oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
