I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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