Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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