Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
