my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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