every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
