If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize