real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
