My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize