Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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