We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
