I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
