Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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