i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
