Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
