He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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