Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
