Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
