I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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