What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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