I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
