Tell her she can't have a vagina
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
