Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
