Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
