dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
