I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize