a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
