well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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