So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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