im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
