who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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