how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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