they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
