Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
