Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
foreskin is a definite game changer
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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