she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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