Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
