There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
