look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
