Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
