I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this boner is exhausting
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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