I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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