She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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