Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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