I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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