So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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