he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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