I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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