her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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