Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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