We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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