Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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