The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
