Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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