I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's always time for handjobs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
be right there i have to get my cape
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize