Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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