FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize