i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
