The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
