You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
