I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
