John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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