Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
