you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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