So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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